Tag Archives: Parenting

An open apology to kids about knowing God, faith

I apologize.  

As I continue to study and to read the Bible, I realize I failed.  I failed to teach you faith.  I failed to practice the parenting principles that my own parents taught me.  I failed to share what I know to be my own life foundation.

I apologize.

As I grew up, both Mom and Dad lived a Christian lifestyle.  They modeled it by the very routines of our day and our week.  They never demanded that we participate, but then we would never have refused to follow their instructions.  It never even occurred to me that we should question the practices.

Therefore, why did I not follow those deeply entrenched practices on my own?  I did some, but some I did not.  Going to church each Sunday was a well-preserved practice and included attending Sunday school.

Because Dad always went with us each Sunday, I never thought that my own husband would miss church.  I thought that was just part of the agreement in a marriage.  When I first had to go to church alone, I ached. It was so wrong, yet I failed to make an issue of the change.  I just went—alone and alone with the kids.

I apologize.

Another practice that I failed in was maintaining the practice of the meal’s blessing.  We had three meals a day growing up and that meant three mealtime graces.  

I admit that the practice weakened during the college years because prayer is private and mealtime in the dorm’s cafeteria was far from private.  The meals’ grace disappeared.  Oh, I could have said the grace privately, but I don’t remember doing so.  And when I moved into an apartment, I could have resumed the practice then.  But I didn’t.

Then came marriage and meals were often in front of the TV.  No table grace then.  

And then came kids.  I should have known that I needed to add in the meal’s prayer, but I did not and did not even approach the subject with Dad.  I failed.

Then life changed with the divorce, and the opportunity to add in open prayer was there—but I hesitated.  It was not until the preschool grace developed and later remembered that the simple table grace resurfaced.  I failed to do so in a timely manner, but now it seems so important, so routine, and so simple.

I apologize.

Now the two practices of church attendance and table grace are just two small, concrete pieces to the Christian lifestyle that one can wear openly, but there is more about which I need to apologize.

Faith education is a critical failure.  I know that many argue that as children develop, they need to learn about God on their own, along their own timeline, in their own way or by their own experiences.  But how does that work?

Having been a teacher for 30 some years, I know that learning is developmental.  I know that all individuals can learn.  I know that we all learn differently.  I know that we learn by seeing, by hearing, and by doing.  

Yet, did I teach faith in my own home. No.  I realize now that I counted on the kids learning via other people’s teaching.  I delegated the task to others and did not take my own initiative to teach the very foundation of my own life.  I failed.

For some reason I thought that I was doing enough, and I was not.  I thought that since my kids lived in my home they would be able to figure out the importance of faith by osmosis.  

I did not figure in what would happen when outside influences or the divorce would create an entirely different learning environment than I felt I was maintaining.  I neglected my kids’ faith education.

I apologize.

How easy it would be to just ignore the issue, but I cannot stand seeing what life without God does to people.  I see so few who seem to have an internal fountain of joy shining from within them; and I know they are missing the joy I experience knowing God in my own life.

What I should have done is been verbally open about how God is part of the daily world in which I exist:

I should have spoken about how God created this universe and we are to care for it.  

I should have shown how all the different birds are part of God’s creation.  

I should have shown how farmers are key to feeding God’s people and for protecting this world that supplies all we need to grow crops and to nurture the livestock that feeds us.

I should have explained how important it is to treat each and every individual with love, just like we want to be treated.

I should have shown them that good leaders do care about their subordinates making any business or organization work smoothly.

I should have . . . and the list continues.

I apologize that I failed.

But, today, I want to put a stop to the failures and speak out—directly—to my kids.  God is good.  Whether you can ever fully understand the concept or not of an omniscient God, a creator, a spirit, a being, or whatever, I know that you must know what a difference God makes in my life.

More than anything I want you to experience the joy of this life experience that we are given.  I want you to demonstrate to all those you interact with that the power of loving one another is priceless.  I want you to share the love of life that you have because God loves you so much that he provides it.

And, I want you to know firsthand the value of studying the literature of the Bible.  We use words as a tool, and the Bible is filled with words to implement in your lives to manage all the ups and downs.  

As human beings, who do have the freedom to chose right and wrong, who do have the mental capabilities of analyzing history, science, social science, and experience, and who face all the challenges of living among believers and non-believers, we must learn all that we can about God.

Knowing God personally makes it possible to manage the evil forces that co-exist in our world. 

Knowing God personally makes it possible to live a joy-filled life even when we are confronted by a life challenge whether physical, mental, financial, or even a natural disaster.  

I apologize that I did not arm you with the knowledge of God that makes life good now and on into eternity.

I apologize that it has taken this many years to speak up.

I apologize that I did not teach you how to pray so you can always feel the reality of God with you, by you and for you.

Hear my prayer oh Lord, 

I am just a child of yours

     always learning of your vastness.

I am a child who has wasted time

     sharing what I value with my own.

I am a child who whines to you

     that my kids may not know you on their own.

Forgive me, Lord, 

     for my failures to teach my kids of You.

Forgive me, Lord,

     for wasting time in sharing faith out loud.

Forgive me, Lord, for whining

     rather than doing as much as I can.

Guide me to speak out loud 

     the truth of your love for us.

Guide me to live out loud

     my faith that so others may see.

Guide me to love my kids

     and all others as you commanded.

Thank you for the words of the faithful

     that share knowledge of faithful living.

Thank you for the open communication

     through our prayers.

Thank you for your guidance

     through the Holy Spirit within us.

May I be the parent unafraid 

     to love not only my kids but all your kids.

May all your children experience your great love

May they know the joy of loving you, 

         of loving life, and         

of loving one another.  –Amen

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Social media are today’s glass houses

The familiar saying, “He who lives in glass houses shouldn’t throw stones” keeps bubbling up in my head.  This morning I suddenly realized that today’s social media is the equivalent of the glass house in this saying.

According to the website, https://www.phrases.org.uk/, which I accessed this morning,  “PEOPLE IN GLASS HOUSES SHOULDN’T THROW STONES – “Those who are vulnerable should not attack others. The proverb has been traced back to Geoffrey Chaucer’s ‘Troilus and Criseyde’ .”   . . . [and] Benjamin Franklin also referenced this saying with a slight adjustment,  “‘Don’t throw stones at your neighbors’, if your own windows are glass.'”

Today we live in a transparent world when we step onto the world wide web through any of the social media available to us.  The social media is our glass house and what we post has the potential to damage another as easily as a stone destroys glass.

When I taught high school students journalism, I used to ask students would they want their grandmother to read what they wanted to print (yes print medium rather than broadcast medium was the standard in the 1970s and 1980s) if that was said about them. It seemed such an easy way to have them self-edit their work before publishing anything.

Today, that no longer serves as a good test as we are so removed from the social stigma’s of the ’70s and ’80s when grandparents were part of Tom Brokaw’s Greatest Generation.  Now the grandparent has evolved to those in the Baby Boomer generation who lived through the 1960s and 1970s when social standards began shifting–or tumbling.

Today we need to teach our young people, and maybe reteach even the younger Baby Boomers, that what they post on social media is forever printed in one manner or another.  The social media makes spreading gossip or menacing words so easy and once posted is there forever.

True, the social media has the positive value when spreading good news or complimentary words, but sadly our society seems not to share them as readily as they do the negative–another concept that needs direct teaching.

Today, teachers and parents must teach the young people from the first click of the electronic devices that what they say has tremendous power to damage someone else’s life.

Today, teachers and parents must teach the young people the power of the social media to do good, also.

Once that final click to post is made, there is no way to take away the effect of the words posted.

Let’s use the social tools we have available to keep the glass houses in tact rather than destroy with social media stones.

 

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Looking into the Mirror: Would God Hire You?

given on Sunday, January 3, 2015

An opening thought: Today is Epiphany Sunday and it is coupled with communion, as is our local tradition of serving communion on the first Sunday of the month. Epiphany is the final celebration of Christ’s birth while communion is the covenant reminder of Christ’s death: the beginning and the end: the alpha and the omega.

Looking in a mirror does not always reveal the most flattering image of one’s self. Yet using a mirror to inspect one’s appearance may be one of the most important steps before leaving the house. As the mirror image shares with you what it sees, do you approve?

At the local vo-tech school, a full-length mirror is posted just inside the entrance, near the office. Above it is the question: “Would you hire this person?“

Maybe Epiphany is the perfect time to look into a mirror and ask, “Would God hire you to be his messenger?” Epiphany marks the end of the holiday season and the beginning of a new calendar year. Conversations often are filled with a discussion on resolutions.

Resolutions are positive motivators for those who manage to make them and stick to them, but personally that is a struggle. Maybe I should make them, but then when I fail, the emotional fall out is disappointing even embarrassing.

Yet, the change from one calendar year to the next is an excellent time to look into a mirror and check one’s self. Are we satisfied that what we see is someone God would hire?

God, as the creator, designed a world that was to meet the needs of his children—as long as we followed his directions. Yet, we were also given free will and as time moved forward, the choices humans made began eroding the relationship between God and his children. God sent messages and time passed.

By the time God decided to send Jesus personally, he needed a team to carry out the work needing to be done. The surprise Mary and Joseph experienced when the angels visited them, probably left them feeling inadequate. But God saw more than they could see in a mirror.

God needed faithful, good people who could handle all the ridicule others would throw at them. He needed those who could handle unknown battles while Jesus grew up. God knew Mary and Joseph and he tasked them with raising the baby Jesus.

Accepting the roles of Jesus’s parents is what each parent yet today does, too.   If we look into the mirror, do we have the faith modeled by Mary and Joseph? Stepping into another year, evaluate your implementation of John Wesley’s acts of piety.   Could you list them as strengths on a resume or job application?

The Christmas story includes others who demonstrated extraordinary faith. God placed them in positions to tell others about Jesus’ birth. The shepherds followed the angels’ summons to see the baby Jesus with their own eyes.

Shepherds do not leave the pastures or meadows where the sheep are eating. The decision to leave the mountainside was out of the ordinary, but they took the risk. They were eyewitnesses of the most important event, and they carried the story to family and friends. Can you picture yourself risking your job to see a newborn who is not even in your family?

The Christmas story continues. Mary and Joseph came to Bethlehem to register, and now the baby is born, visitors are coming in and so much is changing. Giving birth in ancient days included different practices, and quickly returning home was not an option.

Epiphany celebrates the visit of the three wise men. These men came “thousands of miles” to find the King. Today, would you be so confident in your research that you would travel hundreds even thousands of miles on foot or camel to prove a theory? The conviction to stand by your words is a desirable quality in workers, in spouses, in parents, as well as in friendships.

The skills God needed from the faithful carried the news of Jesus’ birth throughout the millenniums. As the wise men arrived, saw the new king, and shared gifts of gold, frankincense and myrrh, the truth of the wise men’s theory is realized.

The epiphany or realization that this baby is indeed the Messiah begins a series of events that takes 30 years to unfold. Look in the mirror, has Christmas provided you an epiphany?   As you look into the new year, does the mirror show you what strengths you have to answer God’s call to you? What are the weaknesses that need improving in order to do God’s work?

The three wise men had studied the stars, probably read all the prophets, talked to other wise men, and finally made the decision to set out on a journey to find Baby Jesus. Imagine their epiphany when all the years and all the miles they invested in the search for the new king prove what they predicted.

The story of Jesus, the Messiah, began thanks to the skills and the faith of Mary, Joseph, the shepherds, and the wise men. The story that is shared in the scripture continues to lead us to our own epiphany about the truth of Jesus Christ. As we look into the mirror, may we see what God sees in us—that we, too, have the skills and the drive to continue sharing the story of Jesus Christ.

The Christmas story is the beginning of the New Covenant. God looks for those who have the strength to serve, who have the skills needed, and the faith to trust that as long as we love one another as we want to be loved, we can do all that we can for all those we can in as many ways as we can.

And as Lent quickly races toward us, we look at the mirror to check that we are ready for God to use us. This Epiphany, look in the mirror and prepare to do commit to your covenant with God through the sacrament of communion.

As Matthew was telling the ancient Jewish people, the Old Covenant was replaced with a New Covenant. He shared the story of Jesus’ last Passover:

20 When it was evening, he took his place with the twelve;[a] 21 and while they were eating, he said, “Truly I tell you, one of you will betray me.” 22 And they became greatly distressed and began to say to him one after another, “Surely not I, Lord?” 23 He answered, “The one who has dipped his hand into the bowl with me will betray me. 24 The Son of Man goes as it is written of him, but woe to that one by whom the Son of Man is betrayed! It would have been better for that one not to have been born.”

The Wise Men visited a baby and knew that he was the King of the Jews. They did not return to King Herod, instead they returned to their own homes—thousands of miles away. For 30 years, the story did not continue as expected. Then for three short years, Jesus changed the world. But the story did not end.

Jesus set into place, the new law based on love. On that last night with the Apostles, Jesus shared the cup and the bread. He commissioned them to carry on the task of loving one another and spreading the good news. This Epiphany Sunday, look in the mirror. Would God hire you to carry on?

As you join in communion, consider the covenant we make with God to share the story. We do have the skills and the strength, each in our own way, to love one another as we want to be loved.   By doing that, we honor and love God above all else.

Closing prayer (UMH 255): The Epiphany Prayer

O God,

You made of one blood all nations,

and, by a star in the East,

revealed to all peoples him whose name is Emmanuel.

Enable us who know your presence with us

ao to proclaim his unsearchable riches

and that all may come to his lift

and bow before the brightness of his rising,

who lives and reigns with you and the Holy Spirit,

now and for ever. Amen.

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