Susandoodles

Currently, I am sitting on the deck on a bright sunny day with the shade trees keeping me cool, and the birds providing a delightful symphony.  Life is good.

During the past two months, I have had random thoughts race through my brain but struggled to figure out how to put them together coherently.  This is what happens when one experiences stress. 

Yet, in the past two weeks, the thoughts are becoming clearer, and I decided it was time to return to the keyboard that is my voice.

First, a thank you.  The outpouring of love I have experienced from my church family continues to lift my spirits and reassures me that God does have a plan that is working itself to fruition.  

The notes, the phone calls, the hugs, and the actions of all are like doses of pure love.  There is no way I can express how valuable these expressions of concern and assurance means to me.

A few may not realize that I suddenly took early retirement due to circumstances at the church rather ease into a planned retirement as I had announced months earlier.  The decision was painful, but the 

church family is the real victim as they struggle to understand, also.

Enough said, now I am settling into a new structure of life, retirement life, I am discovering what many probably already know—life without a structure is almost as uncomfortable as putting on a new pair of shoes.  They fit, but they just are not comfortable.  They must be broken in.

Slowly one discovers how to implement a structure, but it comes with trial and error.  Each one must identify what tasks need doing and how to put them into a manageable routine at the same time remaining flexible.

I have wondered whether there is a manual for retirement or wonder who does one turn for advice about moving into retirement.  Are there tried and true guidelines?

Of course not. 

One realization that has blossomed in my brain is that growing up on the farm among my grandparents, aunts, uncles, and cousins, retirement was not a planned event—you worked and lived on the farm through your lifetime.  Retirement meant slowing down and helping the next generation on that land.  

The truth is, though, that I do not live on the farm anymore.  I have not lived on the farm since college.  What is more, farming has changed into a corporate mindset even if the extended families are maintaining the farm as a corporation.  

College set me on a trajectory away from farm life, yet it is the foundation of my life.  I continue to follow the seasons, watch the cattle along the roads, raise a few veggies during the summer, and apply all the farming knowledge I can in all the ways I can.  Retire?

Of course not.

Here I am at retirement in a world where I feel ungrounded.  I feel connected when I step outside.  I feel connected as I read my devotions and scripture.  I feel nurtured by the family and friends both far and near.  I feel calmer, not as rushed, yet still I feel a need for structure.

Structure has been a lifeline for me.  I know that I operate more efficiently when I maintain a daily morning routine, break the day into three timeframes with a meal in between.  I follow the sun as it drops into the west and dark closes out the day.

Why has it been so difficult to slip into a comfortable routine?  Why can’t I open up the laptop and words flow out easily?  Why can’t I just accept this new lifestyle?

There are no true answers, but I am beginning to feel like I understand why I am struggling.  With that, I am now working to develop a structure for this new phase of life.  

Now there is time to cook new recipes.  There is time to read a book for fun.  The knitting can be done anytime of day.  The house really is not that dirty.  I can sit outside and listen to the birds and feel the summer breeze.

The world continues to turn on its axis.  The seasons will follow the same pattern: Spring, Summer, Autumn and Winter.  There will be storms, and there will be idyllic days to enjoy.

One can hear King David’s words echo:

This is the day the Lord has made.
    We will rejoice and be glad in it.

–Psalm 118:24, NLT

Yes, I have stepped into a new phase in life, but I am not alone.  I have family, friends, and God.  I return to my personal mission statement:

Love God.  Love Life.  Love one another.

What more is there to say?

Thank you to all who know the story, who know the struggles, who know I love them unconditionally.